Trinity

jujitsu

2009-01-09T12:03:00.000-08:00

Well....still way prefer systema. The gi is not only like pajamas, it gets ridiculously hot, and leaves rug-burn-esque marks all over you. And three people injured their feet on the soft mats.

It was nice to get a simple foot-sweeping throw drilled in, I might actually be able to use that in a general basis. And some clinch work, I suppose, though that also just seems silly with no strikes allowed - being able to just smack the other person changes everything. I did enjoy working with a little Puck (re: Alpha Flight) of a guy, a real wrestler, who seemed to have a wrestling/MMA background. Though he was in way better shape and temperament for grappling and just plain kicked my ass, he seems a better class of person than the rest of the class. Annoying to have to fight him with the disadvantage of a gi, and him with none, though.

sore pecs for first time in years

2009-01-04T12:54:00.000-08:00

Working exclusively on the chest in weight training was an interesting experience. It's interesting how many variations there are for working one muscle. The other interesting bit, though, was that I forgot how working out with weights can completely wear out your body; it's not like bodyweight stuff where you can kind of keep going indefinitely. I tried to do an arm balance after, and couldn't even support myself for a second. Then was vaguely shaky the whole rest of the day. And hungry. Which was good for the big Chinese feast that took up the afternoon, though, heh.

Today I tried out a dance video I bought at Bookman's, after watching Step Up 2 the Streets and pondering whether I could afford a Pima hip hop class. The production values are horribly low, but I was gratified to find out it's not even a workout kind of dance video, but just like a straight up dance class, which is nice, as that's exactly what I wanted. I felt kind of silly at first dancing in my living room, and only got through about a third of the choreography before stopping to avoid overwhelming, but I'm excited to get more of it down, it gets the tapas going and is just challenging enough. Space is a real issue in my living room, and barefeet on the rug kind of hurts; lessons learned. Ah...sad to see a review that says it's "moves from the 90s"...still, better than knowing no moves at all.

notes from work

2008-12-30T15:48:00.001-08:00

One thing to remember when sitting at a desk job - hips! I've felt so much better lately after remembering to periodically stretch my hip flexors (easy to do with a standing lunge in the bathroom, say), and the outside of my hips by putting a foot up on a knee while sitting, then leaning forward. Those parts tighten up so much from sitting in a chair, I just happened to remember it after something keying a memory of how humans weren't evolved to sit in chairs, however comfortable.

Also, with the new workouts I'm happy to be getting a sheath of muscle again; it'll be nice for the organ-deep strikes of systema, just in feeling less vulnerable than when I did when I wasn't working out and felt skinny and weak. It's not a big visible difference, but I'm starting to feel it.

dang teens

2008-12-27T12:42:00.000-08:00

Are actually fine, really. I certainly get better what they say about learning from teaching others; for example, I was reminded of how tight I was as a teenager, simply from any lack of knowledge of any stretching at all. Luckily, I had a kind of mini-awakening at one point about that almost-painful at times stiffness, I remember the moment in the house on Water St, and later a girlfriend was kind enough to get me over my macho crap and get me to do a yoga video. Not sure if I'll get the same into these kids, but it's all interesting to think about.

Also, I knew on some level but never really realized how intricate weight training can be - you can pretty quickly determine heavy, medium, and light weight classes for a given exercises, and then say within one class light-heavy, medium-heavy, and heavy - I'm kind of curious to see now if there is a fractal effect like in classical yoga, now.

addendum to previous

2008-12-23T11:54:00.000-08:00

Man, I had completely forgotten why arms raised vertically is used so much in classical yoga. I'd relegated to being for seniors who don't really ever perform that action more, but one forgets how tight most people are in that direction, often. Including me after weight training focusing on the upper back, apparently, it's interesting when raising your arms straight up hurts that much; I do have a finer knowledge of that region of my shoulders, though, in working out the knots.

ow, I tell you

2008-12-22T12:24:00.000-08:00

Saturday was the first time doing weight training in a long time. Some old exercises, including benching and lat pulldowns I still find very dubious in their practical use, and some new ones including a kind of row-machine supported 45 degree pullup. I think the trick is I jumped in way too fast, and instead of just being sore, seriously knotted up my lat muscles, to the point of nigh-constant discomfort. This is going to take a while to repair.

The systema pushup-balance drill didn't go over so well with the teenagers, I think because they weren't really getting the concept of sweeping, without a real martial arts background, and also the systema concept of striking-to-move, which is really more of a hardcore push.

I did get to teach a little yoga, sun salutationing with the teens, and tailoring a half/side forward bend to an obese gal with bad knees. That's where the real advantage of classical yoga comes in, customizing toward a specific context like that, so that was nice. She also really liked my posture primer. Looks like I may just be kind of a go-to teacher for the place for now, used in moments rather than classes, which is fine for now, though I'm a bit worried the head guy wants to kind of take over any teaching of mine and make it into regular exercise.

ye olden bait n' switch

2008-12-19T11:48:00.000-08:00

Thinking I'd get to train with my old teacher, I actually went back for some traditional martial arts training. Instead, on account of an injured back, I got the older teacher who smells uncannily like a dentist.

Ugh, waste of a night. In one sense, bouncy mats are like a feather pillow compared to using concrete for systema, but in another sense, they almost encourage little injuries and carelessness. I find it odd that for as relatively violent and hardcore as systema seems, I felt way more sore/injured after one night on a squishy surface. Part of it is also partners caught up in doing moves that look cool, or who have this frantic need to "win," or who are just unrelentingly stiff. All stuff that is immediately quashed in systema as soon as it appears.

Also, to practice each movement one to two times, with absolutely no context and the other person just giving it to you....after a dynamic environment like systema or the self-led classes we had back on the east side, it's almost enough to make me scream. The best I got out of the class was to practice relaxing out of joint locks, I suppose. Need to get the teacher I actually went there for, oy.

::love:: that balance drill [systema post]

2008-12-17T12:29:00.000-08:00

Balancing from a pushup position, specifically. Your partner tried to kick/sweep your limbs out from under you; at first you just feel them and let them push your relaxed limb out of the way, maintaining balance. Then, you anticipate their movement a little, while also moving to positions that make it harder for them to follow up (keeping your limbs kind of spread, though, if you get both arms swept = faceplant). You can also switch to crab position or roll, too. Finally, you try to straight up hinder them in your response movement. The new guy I was with tried really hard to keep his legs away from me for some reason, not realizing each time I kneed his head I was trying to tell him something, heh.

Interesting note: a reason almost all systema punches and kicks hit with at least a slightly bent limb is so the equal-and-opposite reactive energy from impact doesn't travel straight back into the body, as it does with say a karate or boxing straight-armed, straight-line strike. It's really starkly apparent when you have someone hold out a straight arm and just whack the end of it, their body vibrates in turn. Bend the limb a bit, though, and the energy dissipates out the elbow.

And responding to crowd situations (several people hitting at once) is not so random as I first thought; yes, you still absorb and anticipate many of the strikes, but you also set a kind of wave pattern with basically big hook punches, and if you can get your pattern going strong enough, it draws the whole group into it unconsciously. Pretty freaky to see one person hit nigh everyone in a group (sometimes two with one strike) and barely get hit in turn, when they're really good at it.

systema + teens

2008-12-14T08:17:00.000-08:00

Well, systema conditioning drills, anyway. It's hard to read shy teenagers' reactions to things, but I'm pretty sure underneath their eye-covering bangs they were refreshed by the sheer unusualness of the drills. Well, the skinny kid seemed so, at least, the but the chubbier kid was having some issue dragging himself over the carpet, and getting stepped on. But he did have more energy for grappling, so it all balanced.

I did note in both doing the drills which involve pushing each other over from a systema squat (you want strong legs? do it.) and the grappling, fighting from the knees like we used to is both relatively incredibly hard on the knees, less mobile, and in reality useless for non-squishy surfaces. On the other hand, the squat, while more vulnerable to being knocked over, it supremely more mobile, I guess a perfect example of less stability equals more mobility - I'm going to say the squat wins out in the end, though, because of its more practical safety, it's expanded range of weapons (kicks and knees), and being able to stand up out of it faster. Now I'm just curious to see how it plays against people who really know how to grapple.

from systema to jujitsu - pre-thoughts

2008-12-11T23:01:00.000-08:00

One thing I'll have to get used to again is that when someone tenses up or won't relax or is even just resisting, in systema it's not only okay but pretty much required that you slug them to break that pattern. It helps the recipient get over both ego-anger and that tensing-up, and the puncher to get over punching out of ego, too. But in a traditional school, you can't just go around (to most people, seemingly randomly) punching people.

Another angle: fighting in gi's after having fought in regular clothes for a while. I swear, the thought of it now is like some sort of pajama costume. Tangentially, fighting on springy mats after concrete - which, admittedly, you do need to really practice Japanese jujitsu with its concentration on throws, one thing you can't really do in systema-environments without nigh-killing someone....but at the same time, one realizes after practicing on concrete how incredibly, so-not-truly safe springy mats make one feel. It's seriously not a good illusion to hold.

hmm...

2008-12-10T13:14:00.000-08:00

I should have a demonstration to do for teaching yoga, soon. I picked a classical sequence called Anga Laghavan, because it's pretty typical of the style of yoga I do; it's supposedly one of the best general sequences for being right in the middle of the road, both cooling and energizing. It builds up to a sun salutation in the middle, but after, it's got almost entirely cooling poses on the floor.

I suppose the women I'm going to do it for might want a more athletic style, but I do the style I enjoy/prefer; I could emphasize more warming if they want that, and will have to just read them as best I can and wing it, but we'll see. I'm feeling pretty confident about the whole idea, though; the idea of working within a true community-center is really energizing to me. And having a yoga-space with a fireplace would just be awesome.

borrowed poem, again

2008-03-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

Time flies, knells call, life passes, so hear my prayer.
Birth is nothing but death begun, so hear my prayer.
Death is speechless, so hear my speech.
This is Jake, who served his ka and his tete. Say true.
May the forgiving glance of Lakshmi heal his heart. Say please.
May the arms of God raise him from the darkness of this earth. Say please.
Surround him, Shiva, with light.
Fill him, Kali, with strength.
If he is thirsty, give him water in the clearing.
If he is hungry, give him food in the clearing.
May his life on this earth and the pain of his passing become as a dream to his waking soul, and let his eyes fall upon every lovely sight; let him find the friends that were lost to him, and let everyone whose name he calls call his in return.
This is Jake, who lived well, loved his own, and died as he would have it.
Each dog owes a death. This is Jake. Give him peace.

Tao, yo.

2007-11-30T13:52:00.000-08:00

An interesting contrast of yoga with Buddhism and Confucianism. But it's Taoism, you say? Well! From some schools of thought, Lao-tsu was purportedly a siddhe, who found that his teachings (as an Indian man) were not really accepted in China. So, being a well-developed soul who just had decided not to transcend into nirvana quite yet, he jumped ship into a dying Chinese man's body. Voila! Yoga and Taoism being very parallel, yet adjusted for Chinese culture.

"There is a famous old painting called "The Vinegar Tasters," a work of art whose origins are shrouded in some mystery. Three men are pictured standing around a vat of vinegar. Each has just dipped in his finger and taken a taste. One man has a somewhat sour look on his face. The next has a very bitter expression. The third is smiling. The vinegar represents the essence of life, and the tasting stands for the human experience of it. The three men represent the three major teachings to be found in China.

The sour expression is intended to capture the Confucian conviction that life can be a bit sour because it is out of step with the way it once was and ought to be. The bitter look is meant to be that of Buddha, who believed that life on earth is full of pointless craving and needless suffering. The smiling man is supposed to be Lao Tsu, who held that by properly attaining a harmony between your own path and the Way of objective reality, by properly plugging into the Tao, you can truly enjoy being a part of the action of this world, making your journey one of happiness and joy moment to moment. And this is not to be thought of as a payoff or reward for having done things right, but rather as the proper experience of doing things right, finding your own way forward in unity with the deepest reality there is. This, Lao Tsu believed, is true success."

sequencing

2007-08-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

Writing out sequences for homework has really confirmed what one of our teachers described, that sequencing is as much a science as an art.

In one sense, it is almost formulaic - designing a sequence in a classical manner requires setting a purpose or focus (a bhavana), deciding on a core pose or principle, using the initial poses to prepare for that core, and then counter-postures to relieve the stress accumulated in the initial process. Of course, depending on the strenuousness of the sequence, there might be counter-postures needed even before the core moment, and several layers of complexity beyond that.

But, in the same sense, knowing what pose to use to follow another and deciding on which counterposture to use (especially when a counter-posture can also be a preparation) relies on an understanding of the asanas in how they are linked to each other. And it is in that connective, creative knowledge requirement that sequencing becomes an art, in my mind, as connecting and creating are intuitive skills.

In that, creating a sequence can be as much a yogic exercise as performing an asana itself. Logic and intuition must be balanced and united, Shiva and Shakti, to create a useful practice.

not so much in a state to write

2007-08-08T15:31:00.001-07:00

When you let your own light shine, you unconsciously give others permission to do the same. - Nelson Mandela
related: For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. - Nelson Mandela

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi

“A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
Albert Einstein

"We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still. The expected's just the beginning; the unexpected is what changes our lives."
-Gray’s Anatomy

musing

2007-07-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

I remembered an old martial arts teacher's ideal-dream idea of developing an apartment complex into a sort of fitness community. People would live in the apartments, and as part of their rent they would get their choice of general-personal training or fitness classes, and various martial arts (I think he very grudgingly conceded a need for a yogic aspect at some point). As a community - community building was something he was big on, something I looked up to him for - they would be able to support and maintain each other's practice, and enjoy having like-minded people around.

I definitely understand the like-minded people aspect being in yoga school now - I've never really found myself in a setting until now where mulitple people were actually having the same thoughts as me (at least in regards to a yoga/personal development side of things); individuals, yes (my roommate and a couple ex-girlfriends, say) but not a community before. Anyway, that's a tangent from what the original point of this musing was to be, that as much as he had something of a cool idea going, I'd maybe back it down to this: an analagous school for martial arts.

Right, I understand the Japanese arts have their own traditions and whatnot of almost purely physical training and specific ways of how things are done. But, interestingly, the yoga school I attend considers the idea of lineage just as important as the dojos I once attended did. And they still have classes that attend to the purely physical. But, in the actual school aspect, there's a more holistic approach - philosophy, language, anatomy, nutrition, etc. It would be amazing to see the effect of that applied to martial arts, in my mind - zen and Musashi instead of samadhi and the Bhagavad Gita, Japanese instead of Sanskrit, anatomy with a different focus...I'm not saying it would necessarily make the students better fighters, mind, but rather, I think certain students would find the discipline immensely more interesting and valuable, and be much, much more effective at the supposed non-physical aims of martial arts, which are usually brushed quickly by, if mentioned at all. Which, in the end, is a sad thing in the case of styles like aikido, where they should be focus, instead.

"Context is very important. Without context we can never really master yoga or any other art or science. For example, artists learn all the classic principles of their form before learning to improvise and find true creativity. Without training in the classical skills of their art as well as understanding how their art has developed, there is no ground on which artists can base their creativity. Most of the great masters have developed their mastery in this way: by first learning the context."

on Iyengar

2007-07-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

I noticed a couple things in going to the first of several classes outside of yoga school proper. One is that it's I've come to appreciate previous teachers I've had immensely more, after running into a teacher who was just relentlessly negative and critical, both in phrasing ("don't," "struggle," etc) and in attitude.

Another was that it turned out to be a lot more valuable than I thought it would be to experience a different style of yoga. I assumed there would subtle or slight differences, but nope - where I'm used to vinyasa flow, with its reasoned sequencing and relaxing movement, the Iyengar yoga was disjointed and based on relatively few, static asanas. I'll acknowledge and perhaps even admire the point that in that manner one is able to really look at the minutae of a pose, but they seemed to focus on it so much to the point that it was ultimately more hindrance than benefit. The constant criticism and obsession with ideal form, regardless of injury (in the case of one poor woman grimacing at shoulder rotation) or the unique structure of an individual's body only exacerbated that hindrance. The idea that achieving conformity to some perfect idea of a pose would help the body achieve integration with the mind holds some shallow logic for me (in the sense of visualization, perhaps), but also seems intuitively wrong on several levels to me (ignoring the breath as bridge between body and mind, forcing which just brings resistance, etc).

-coincidentally, I just had happened to read these passages in one of my textbooks:
"Asana should not simply be an external form into which you fit your body, but should arise from within you. What you see in the mirror is the form. What you feel is the function of the posture. Unity, not uniformity, is the goal of yoga."

"Rigid adherence to the ideal form is simply habit or conditioning, whereas adaptation to insure function is an act of creativity."

- both from Yoga for Body, Breath and Mind, by A.G. Mohan

a few notes on posture

2007-07-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

At class last night, we did a quick postural analysis of a partner; we first found our natural posture by jumping up and down a few times, and just stopping however we landed, without fixing anything. And I realized a couple of things -

One, that it actually became painful after a bit to maintain that incorrect posture, with one shoulder a little too high, my feet turned a bit wrong, my neck canted a bit too much to the side, etc. I started to feel the beginnings of kinks form in muscles, even, by the end of it. So it's interesting how much a lazy, uncorrected posture can affect us.

Two stemmed from our homework - our feet affect our posture enormously. The sole of the foot is in effect the beginning of the back, and the alignment of our feet reflects up our bodies, through our pelvis, all the way to our shoulders and neck. That isn't exactly a weakness, however; rather, it can be turned into a strength by achieving proper alignment in the feet (good arch, grounding through the front of the heel and bases of big and little toe), and through integrating an awareness of the feet into asanas. For example, in the soles being the first part of the back, if one begins one's forward bends by beginning the stretch in the feet, the overall stretch is augmented, and moreover the body is better integrated as a whole. Clever!

vulnerable

2007-07-06T14:20:00.000-07:00

I caught myself altering some poses contrary to the teacher's instruction the other day, which is actually kind of a pet peeve of mine - when people just willfully do it out of some sense of competitiveness or irreverance. So, I examined my own motives.

Whenever she would tell us to clasp our hands, implying that we should lace our fingers together to, for example, pull our knee to our chest, I would rather layer my hands on the other, or in other cases where she intended we lace our fingers together, I would find a differnt way to clasp my hands or hook my fingers together. Long story short, I was doing that because in grappling, interlaced fingers are horribly vulnerable - sure, they might seem to provide a better grip, but all the opponent has to do is squeeze them together for a quick tap. Fingerbones don't like being crushed against other fingerbones.

In regards to the yoga, I realized that for me, to consciously decide to allow myself to lace my fingers together might be a sign of consciously choosing to allow myself to be vulnerable. And to me, that is a positive change to be made, and hopefully will help me develop further in my practice, in however subtle a manner.

fear

2007-07-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

I had a sudden thought the other night, looking at a swimming pool (though that particular body of water was at a perfect temperature). Imagining a cold pool, however, even icy-seeming, I realized I might feel a certain fear at the sensation of the cold water, as if it was a kind of pain, and that would make me consider it unpleasant.

I realized, however, that if I could embrace the wonder of the sensation of the cold water, and perhaps embrace even more through that - the weightlessness inherent in being submerged, the sudden availability to acrobatic movement, the tough of a girlfriend's smooth skin - then that fear which I had initially, reflexively blanketed the idea of "cold water" with might be transformed entirely - as Phillip Moffitt wrote in an entirely unrelated article I just read, "admidst all suffering there is joy."

Tangentially, something similar occurred to me while watching a horror movie - perhaps that is something of the fascination for going to a movie to be scared...that possiblity of tranformation of the emotion.

hospitality

2007-06-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! - Rumi

When I came across this poem by Rumi which seems to be speaking to equanimity, I thought about the "how"s of that, like stepping back from a feeling to become the witness of it, rather than identifying with it, but then I also thought of the Middle Eastern practice of hospitality.

Whether enemy or friend (or both - ah, family), the practice is to accept them all into the home equally, which in Arab terms, basically equates to effusively. While I kind of got the logic for a practice like that in terms of nomads relying on that principle for survival in a harsh environment, with each party knowing that the kindness would be repayed because of the universial nature of it in that region, and thus being obligated to sustain it, I didn't quite get why that practice might be maintained out of a harsh environment.

But, here we go. It's like equanimity; straining and wishing the bad feeling (visitor) wasn't there isn't going to make the visit go any better, so one might as well accept it and make the best of it.

Interview

2007-06-08T13:12:00.000-07:00

I finally had my interview for yoga school the other day, which, in truth, didn't actually turn out to be that much of an interview in the usual sense. I hadn't really mentally prepped for it in any way, since my intention was basically to just be myself and speak from my heart. In any case, after glancing over my transcripts, letters of recommendation, and health statement to review them, she looked over my idea for what I would do with the education would be, and then told me a couple stories about her teacher in South India.

Basically, he is in charge of a yoga clinic, like any health clinic, but with remedies based in Ayurveda and yogic practices. One day a judge came in, complaining of a sharp, chronic pain in his wrist. The teacher asked him, do you like your job? The judge replied, well, of course, I'm a very important man, I help many people. The teacher then queried, but, did you always want to be a judge? The judge reflected, and said, when I was young I wanted to be a poet; but both my parents and I recognized that poetry is no way to make a livelihood, so I followed my duty and went to law school. Instead of giving him poses or breathing exercises to do, the teacher asked him to go home, and write creatively for half an hour each evening. In short order, the pain in the judge's wrist disappeared.

In the other story, a German man arrived at the clinic after much discontented travelling. He'd left Germany, not getting along with family, finding the people too serious, the weather too cold. Italy was better in that the food and weather were great, but the people weren't serious enough. Ireland's food was fine, and so were the people, but the weather was once again too cold. Long and short, the teacher handed the man a camera, explaining that the clinic needed photos that exemplified "harmony" for a project. Months later, they assumed the man had just taken the camera, and left. Eventually, however, he returned, with a portfolio of beautiful pictures of harmony - between people, in nature, in many ways. The clinic staff asked whether he would like to remain as a student, but he respectfully declined - he suddenly felt he should go reconcile with his estranged brother.

Basically, one point she was making was to emphasize that the part that most people think of as yoga, the physical, pose-oriented part, is actually a small part of what yoga is all about. The other point she tangentially made was that by her (and her teacher's measurement), the way one can tell if their yoga practice is "working" is to look at the quality of one's relationships - with people, nature, work, etc - whether they are happy and healthy.

phew.

2007-05-13T09:57:00.001-07:00

Things I need to work on upon setting out to teach a beginning yoga class:
Actually, nevermind, it's basically variations on the same issue, pacing. For one, in the very-beginning context that that particular class had, I would have done well to do several more repititions of each flow or pose; where I was concerned they might become bored, they actually wanted more, so they would be able to build confidence with each try. Also, pausing to add footnotes and sidebars of medical concerns, bits of philosophy and such, can help in giving the class a physical break, in a sense without them realizing it. Which is basically what my teacher was doing with her interjections, thankfully. And slowing down, natch. Yay nervousness. But hey, it was okay, all in all, I think.

Interesting local metaphor: instead of the lotus being representative of the crown-chakra, the saguaro flower was used. Which I could see working in a different way, involving something about the saguaro's far-spreading roots, and it's slow growth...interesting to think about, anyway.

-the middle road, heh

Hm.

2007-05-05T22:43:00.000-07:00

I'm at something of a loss for one last bit of my application for yoga school. That is, basically, what do I see myself doing with that education? I have an idea of what I would like to do, I'm just not sure how to explain it.

My main interest in yoga is not actually the physical, asana aspect - as much as I'm a very physically inclined person - but rather, in the philosophy and tools for self-development and self-study that are contained within the other limbs of yoga. In that regard, I'd like to combine those limbs with a creative outlet - poetry, or possibly even photography - as a way for people to get into those less well known aspects of yoga, and also just as a kind of contemplative creative outlet, like, say, zen calligraphy. So, perhaps a class would consist of some light hatha or vinyasa yoga, and/or meditation (or even pranayama/breathwork?), and then some discussion of, say, a niyama or Ayurvedic concept, leading into a writing workshop, tying back into the earlier exercises and discussion.

Now, how to word that well and concisely for the application...

Between steps, between breaths,
I saw a hundred suns.
They were strung, sparkling pendants,
from the nascent leaves of a youngling plant
(succulent with verdant life)
each bright star floating in a drop of dew,
and in that pacific moment
the wind chimes still sang
from each point of light.

borrowed poem

2007-04-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

Time flies, knells call, life passes, so hear my prayer.
Birth is nothing but death begun, so hear my prayer.
Death is speechless, so hear my speech.
This is Salty, who served his ka and his tete. Say true.
May the forgiving glance of Karuna heal his heart. Say please.
May the arms of God raise him from the darkness of this earth. Say please.
Surround him, God, with light.
Fill him, Threnody, with strength.
If he is thirsty, give him water in the clearing.
If he is hungry, give him food in the clearing.
May his life on this earth and the pain of his passing become as a dream to his waking soul, and let his eyes fall upon every lovely sight; let him find the friends that were lost to him, and let everyone whose name he calls call his in return.
This is Salty, who lived well, loved his own, and died as he would have it.
Each dog owes a death. This is Salty. Give him peace.

notes on meditation

2007-04-09T15:36:00.000-07:00

On the weekend I got a nice chance to sit and meditate under a tree like I used to, a good few years ago, I guess, in the promenade of olives and pines along the western side of the University of Arizona campus. The meditation went as mine usually does, though for blessedly longer than I've had the stamina or time for, of late, but it was really the moments after the practice that struck me.

That is, oftentimes after I meditate (excluding some times where I'm untangling a tricky emotional issue, and I just crash and sleep afterwards) I feel I'm in a particular, peculiar state of mind. And the only way I can describe it is as, "poetic." Every color I see is just vibrant, almost singing with its tone, a hundred motes of dust dance and skirl through the air as if they were underwater, sound is pleasant in its existence...I could go on, obviously. If that's how an Awakened person lives their life, I'm glad to put the effort in, even if it's an effort that seems to ask more than it gives, as some have put it.
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"We could say that meditation doesn’t have a reason or doesn’t have a purpose. In this respect it’s unlike almost all other things we do except perhaps music and dancing. When we make music we don’t do it in order to reach a certain point, such as the end of the composition. If that were the purpose of music then obviously the fastest players would be the best. Also, when we are dancing we are not aiming to reach a particular place on the floor as in taking a journey. When we dance, the journey itself is the point, as when we play music the journey itself is the point. And exactly the same thing is true in meditation. Meditation is the discovery that the point in life is always arrived at in the immediate moment." – Alan Watts

'There is a secret to making a little pond in your Japanese garden. If it is an open pond the koi or goldfish will tend to stay in the same area. But if you put a stone in the middle of the pond and create a circle "like a donut" or a course to move in, they will swim more and grow bigger and stronger. Just by the "form" of the pond alone, one can encourage the growth and development of the fish that live in it.' - from A Path With Heart

and Lotus

2007-04-05T11:34:00.000-07:00

There are probably a thousand layers to the significance of the lotus in terms of spiritual metaphor (just like that top chakra, which is another layer, natch), but I like one simple, common analogy in particular. That is, a lotus seed begins in muck and mire and darkness, at the bottom of the pond. Yet it finds nutrient in that, enough to grow up and up through clearer water, till finally it breaks the surface, and is illuminated by the sun, to blossom.

So, to follow up on the near enemies described in A Path With Heart, I'll continue drawing from the text using that metaphor. As Kornfield describes, one can fall into shadow by complacency and not being mindful in one's practice, but there is another path out of that besides avoiding it in the first place, and that is to fight fire with fire and rise out of that shadow in turn.

For example, in the muck and mire of confusion and feeling disconnected from the world, one might release the anxiety and fear of the confusion, and in that relaxing feel more open to dispell the suffering of disconnected separation. The lessons learned are the nutrients the lotus seed finds to grow its stalk into the clearer water. In that same vein, even if one somehow rose out of that muck with judgemental aversion to it, in that clearer space (even if it is clarity brought by anger), one might find discriminating wisdom - a "clarity that can help and heal."

And if one finds themselves in that clearer space, even without being mired by confusion or heckled by aversion, one may find themselves grasping at pleasure, turning that natural impulse into unhealthy, excessive desire. But, even in that, one might truly blossom by turning their desire toward a healthier, more balanced path, bringing beauty into the world through energy channeled into creativeness, or sharing their desire for pleasure by compassionate action. And in that, one blooms like a lotus, in full, intense color under the sun, shining with a sun in their heart as well.

Shadows

2007-04-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

In Jack Kornfield's A Path With Heart he touches upon the concept of 'near enemies.' That is, along with every benefit that comes from a meditative or yogic or spiritual practice, there is a shadow that should be watched for - the more negative aspect that one might fall into out of laziness or un-mindfulness or even being misguided.

Paraphrasing for the most part here, an insight meditation or Buddhist practice might lead towards a withdrawal from the world, and similarly Zen or Vedantic practices might find one feeling disconnected or ungrounded in their every day life. In a more physical way, someone focused entirely on hatha yoga might find themselves developing a perfection of body, and forgetting to develop their heart and mind. Or in a slightly different vein, a devotee of Kundalini yoga may become addicted to the physical-mental experiences characteristic of the practice, forgetting their meaning and significance (or even, lack thereof). And in a more widespread manner (re: say, organized religion), an overly moralistic practice may lead to either a reinforcement of low self-esteem, or rigid self-righteousness.

Personally, off the top of my head I can think of two near-enemies I've been caught by; one started out as my girlfriend at the time being affected by delving into an idealistic, world-is-a-dream, life-is-an-illusion kind of practice (whose near enemy/shadow might be complacency, amorality, and indifference). I only realize all this in retrospect, of course, but I can look back and see my self falling into the same shadow she had after at first having an aversion to, and then a dark attraction to the same practice, and then our relationship mutually falling apart [not because of that, I have to note, but that as a symptom of larger issues]. More personally, I've noted myself at times dependent upon insight meditation or desperate for an intuition before acting, and that has led to its own kind of paralyzation and addiction, in a sense.

The solution to avoiding these shadows is both internal and external, though I hesitate to attempt to speak to any, myself. In general terms, internally, as the Buddha and many others have said, one's self and common sense should be both the final authority and first place to start looking when watching for near enemies, and at the same time, a good teacher, guide, or friend is the external watchguard in a similar manner.
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An interesting article on the idea of an open-heart, mixed with commentary on aikido and social work

Ishvara Pranidhana

2007-03-19T11:50:00.001-07:00

This last of the niyamas is usually translated as "surrender to God," or more generally, surrender to divinity. It's an important distinction to make that yoga isn't usually a religion, per se, but rather a practice and philosophy, so in this sense while this niyama might be similar at first glance to, say, the Muslim principle of surrender, rather it is a principle that could just as well be developed by an athiest.

In that sense, one doesn't have to believe in some specific credo or deity, but can work with the concept of their Self as a unique being, and that being divine in a more secular sense. It helps in that regard that this niyama points to the more general yogic concept of universal connection, and surrendering to that. To be perfectly honest, ishvara pranidhana is one niyama that's been very challenging for me to develop. For example, I think the easiest way into understanding it is through that idea of personal divinity and universal connection, in turn - it's just, I've had trouble trusting, for lack of a better word. It helps to remember that this niyama is also tied into the important concept of not being attached to the outcomes of one's desires and actions, but it also doesn't help that that's also one of the trickiest concepts.

When I was younger, I felt I had a faith that I think was something similar to this, that I could rely on, almost. But...now, I think I'm working to regain that, somehow. From that memory, and from the texts, I believe this is one of the most important niyamas to develop - the trick is, putting it into action. Which is where this interesting quote by Goethe comes into play, in my mind, but again - there's that issue of trust and surrender.

An introduction to basic yoga philosophy

Sweet Solitude - on loneliness

Svadhyaya

2007-03-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

Svadhyaya, the second to last of the niyamas, is usually translated as "self-study." Interestingly, however, more literally, while "sva" does mean "self," "adhyaya" can also be understood to mean "education of," which points to something of the end result of developing this niyama.

In an external sense, a student might be reminded to develop svadhyaya if they are competitive with the other students; concentrating on being better than others in that sense is a way to escape really developing onself internally. Generally, however, svadhyaya is internally directed; for example, without some study of the self, one might never be aware of negative samskaras. That self-awareness is the true strength of svadhyaya, however much the phrase "ignorance is bliss" is bandied around - that may be true in some external sense, but hopefully is never applied to knowledge of one's self. And finding the dark corners of one's mind and spirit is one of the most tangible effects of developing self-study, as however painful it can be or whatever dark mood it might put one in temporarily, it can also make for life-changing growth and releasing of bad habits, unhealthy desires and painful memories that one might not have even been aware of, otherwise.

Interestingly, for as specifically internally directed as this niyama is, it also has the most to gain from outside aid. That might include texts, such as books or the great spiritual works, or a wise teacher, or even just a friend to bounce ideas off of; in a lighter way, questions that begin with phrases such as, "if you had one day to live," or, "if you had a million dollars," can also be an easier introduction to developing svadhyaya. It also benefits from the use of a 'prop,' such as a journal, but one might be careful that that sort of aid does not become narcissistic or altered to pander to the opinions of others, such as the stereotypical LiveJournal.
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“As Ray Bradbury, ‘The first thing you learn in life is you’re a fool. The last thing you learn is you’re the same fool. Sometimes I think I understand everything. Then I regain consciousness.’ Our worldly education doesn’t help much in meditation.”

identity game

2007-03-09T13:29:00.000-08:00

To explore the ideas presented in the previous post, an interesting exercise is to use another person to bounce off of; in contrast, the more commonly known meditation for this purpose is to repeat the question, "Who am I?" and to keep delving for deeper layers of insight. One way of practicing with another person might be to set a time limit, such as fifteen minutes, and have one partner ask, "Who are you?" The other answers with whatever comes to mind - "John," "a man," "a teacher," "a fool," "alive" - and when their answer is finished, their partner simply asks again, "Who are you?"

With another person to ask, "Who are you?" there is some advantage to offset the disadvantages of things like one's relationship with the other person coloring one's thought. It's much harder to become distracted, as opposed to the ease in which one's own mind can be distracted by the smallest passing though. And having another person to actually speak to can improve the concentration of someone who is more socially bent, and might even draw out something they might not have been able or up to approaching on their own.
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"When did the lemons learn the same creed as the sun?
When did smoke learn how to fly?"
-Pablo Neruda

on identity

2007-03-08T09:48:00.000-08:00

“In teaching, the Buddha never spoke of humans as persons existing in some fixed or static way. Instead, he described us as a collection of five changing processes: the processes of the physical body, of feelings, of perceptions, of responses, and of the flow of consciousness that experiences them all. Our sense of self arises whenever we grasp at or identify with these patterns. The process of identification, of selecting patterns to call ‘I,’ ‘me,’ ‘myself,’ is subtle and usually hidden from our awareness. We can identify with our body, feelings, or thoughts; we can identify with images, patterns, roles and archetypes. Thus, in our culture, we might fix and identify with the role of being a woman or a man, a parent or a child. We might take our family history, our genetics, and our heredity to be who we are. Sometimes we identify with our desires: sexual, aesthetic, or spiritual. In the same way we can focus on our intellect or take our astrological sign as an identity. We can choose the archetype of hero, lover, mother, ne’er-do-well, adventurer, clown, or thief as our identity and live a year or a whole lifetime based on that. To the extent that we grasp these false identities, we continually have to protect and defend ourselves, strive to fulfill what is limited or deficient in them, to fear their loss.

Yet, these are not our true identity. One master with whom I studied used to laugh at how easily and commonly we would grasp at new identities. As for himself, he would say, ‘I am none of that. I am not this body, so I was never born and will never die. I am nothing and I am everything. Your identities make all your problems. Discover what is beyond them, the delight of the timeless, the deathless.’” - Jack Kornfield, A Path With Heart

Tapas

2007-03-07T12:14:00.000-08:00

Tapas, which means something in between 'heat' and 'perseverance,' is interesting because it is (as a word) is often used somewhat outside of the context of the niyamas in various ways, such as to describe a more physical aspect of yoga, the heat generated in the body by some kinds of practice, or in a more spiritual sense the 'burning' off of negative energies and karma through good works or personal development and dedication.

As a principle of self-control (the niyama context), tapas might be understood better as the effort put forth in developing one's self. In that sense, it's connected to phrases like, 'fiery determination.' Tapas is the quality that would take one from simply daydreaming about something, to willing it into being through effort and action. It is the name of the effort particular to making a dream real.

Interestingly, it's worth noting that over-doing effort can burn us out and lead straight towards being overly attached to desires and their outcomes. The solution to that is to develop santosha, contentment, concurrently, to keep from 'burning' ourselves (I suppose an analogy might be putting extra effort into massaging someone, and then wearing out one's own hands or hurting the other person). Of course, tapas then balances santosha in turn, helping to avoid the previously mentioned shadow of passiveness.
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"There are two parallel tasks in spiritual life. One is to discover selflessness, the other is to develop a healthy sense of self. Both sides of that apparent paradox must be fulfilled for us to awaken."

(inkling)

2007-03-06T14:13:00.000-08:00

"Spiritual practice will not save us from suffering and confusion, it only allows us to understand that avoidance of pain does not help."

Santosha

2007-03-05T13:47:00.000-08:00

The next of the niyamas is santosha, or contentment. I've always found this one to be a little deceptive, and I think in that also one that I need to particularly work on. The deceptiveness in my mind is that my initial impulse upon learning of the principle was to distrust it as something passive, in that I understood it as implying one should be content with unfair or bad conditions, and not try to do anything to make things (or, the world, or a relationship, whatever) better.

Rather, in inquiring more about santosha, in one sense it's rather more about embracing conditions that can't be changed, and being content instead of desiring to change something that can't be changed. If it just can't be changed, that desire will always go unfulfilled, and there will then always be suffering from that, in the Buddhist sense. One external angle one might look at this from is in terms of a relationship - one might want their partner to be different somehow, or have some idealized image of them, but the other person can't just be forced to change to conform to that. Rather, it makes for a healthier and happier relationship to be content with the person as they are; note, however that that doesn't mean to passively accept something negative in that context, one can approach that aspect of the relationship in a healthy way, and failing that, can always leave the relationship.

From another angle, santosha might be remembered, say, during a yoga class when one side is particularly stiff, or a social interaction when one is feeling inexplicably shy for the day. To embrace that feeling and accept it with compassion in that contentment is much healthier that stressing at wanting something that just is to be some other way, when it plainly isn't. It doesn't mean it's 'bad,' that just how things are in that moment, on that day, and recognizing that makes for a mindset with much better equanimity.

Niyamas and Saucha

2007-03-02T13:32:00.000-08:00

The niyamas are the next limb of Patanjali's overview of yoga, and are another set of principles for living a healthy, happy life, but contrasted to the yamas, they are more directed internally.

Saucha, or cleanliness, is interesting because of the multiple levels it can be readily applied to; an obvious, physical aspect is in terms of hygiene, which directly relates to one's happiness and health, and also to being tuned externally like a yama, in interacting with other people. In a converse, abstract sense, cleanliness of one's self in an internal manner can relate to almost all the other principles, in not being swamped by, say, anger or jealousy or condescension.

In a more subtle, intermediate sense, something as simple as holding a mudra with one's hand might be interpreted as an expression of saucha, as opposed to twiddling thumbs or wringing hands nervously (the former is more calming and healthy, in the long run). Or, keeping a clean desk at work, which extends into and connects to a whole school of thought (feng shui), or similarly, a clean diet (ayurveda). Another example in this manner I've read of is the idea of organizing mats in a yoga class in clean, sensical lines or a circle, as (and one can readily recognize this upon experiencing it) somehow there is a synergistic effect of the people in the class coming together through that unity, as opposed to the separateness and disconnectedness of disorder.
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"Time is simply God's way of keeping everything from happening at once." - a bit flippant, but perhaps related

Aparigraha

2007-02-28T09:43:00.000-08:00

The last of the yamas is aparigraha, which means in different senses to not have greed, or to not have jealousy, but like a lot of translated words with in-between definitions like that, it might help to conflate the various entries. So, we would have a "greed that is rooted in jealousy."

It might be obvious to approach this from a generalized Buddhist perspective, with the greed rooted in wanting something or to be as some aspect of another, because we perceive it as better, being interpreted as a desire. That is, operating on the principle that an unhealthy desire will lead to suffering (note that important point that not all desire has to be considered bad, however - for example, having a desire to be happy is healthy, or to develop one's virtues). And, directed externally, having greedy envy or jealousy of someone else or their possessions can sour the relationship, with bitterness and resentment.

One somewhat more subtle way I've noticed how aparigraha can affect my own life is that the jealousy/greed doesn't actually have to be directed at a person or object - it can be for an idea, or even an ideal. In having this envious desire of some perfect image of something, an obsessive greed to have a perfect life or a perfect relationship, the bitterness and resentment mentioned above can be turned against the self and the 'not-perfect' actuality of that ideal or relationship, along with the suffering of an unfulfilled desire. And in that sense, for me personally at any rate, that negative is especially insidious, and so aparigraha is unexpectedly that much more important for me to work on developing.
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The Evolution of Consciousness - a very interesting article, from Kevin by way of his brother

-haven't quite figured out a solid meaning for this, but it seems interesting:
"The mind creates the abyss, and the heart crosses it." - Sri Nisargadatta

Brahmacharya

2007-02-26T13:35:00.000-08:00

Brahmacharya is probably one of the more charged of the yamas, in terms of people's response to it. Literally, its translation is "walking with God," but it's more simply and often translated as "celibacy." The straight-up, literal interpretation of that is something like becoming a monk and just abstaining from sex and thoughts thereon (or transmuting them to thoughts of divinity), but as the Buddha pointed out with his middle-path (and my dad in a tangential memory of mine, speaking to the idea of celibate Catholic priests), that's just not a normal nor healthy path for most people.

So, what does it mean for the regular person, then? It might help to remember here that the yamas are sometimes translated as "restraints" or "observances," and also that they are generally directed externally - for healthy relationships with others. So developing brahmacharya might mean to devote energy to a healthy relationship in this sexual sense - it's obviously harmful to the relationship, and in the end, both people, if someone cheats, for example. But even if one is single, it's harmful to use someone sexually, say, or ultimately harmful to the self to just have sex unthinkingly, in a variety of ways from the base physical (STDs, unwanted pregnancy, shady people) to more intangible ways (like a harmful drug, it might feel good for a moment, but in the long run does nothing to fulfill or heal).

And as important as being conscious of and being healthy about sexuality is to the human psyche, brahmacharya can also be extended out beyond that, to just keeping a healthy restraint on obsessive and compulsive impulses, or other things done mindlessly, like stress-eating, for example. Everything in moderation, as they say.
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Kind Ambition - on various aspects of ambition, competition, and their effects on self

Asteya

2007-02-26T09:53:00.000-08:00

After satya is asteya, or "not stealing." As with the other yamas, this principle isn't so much a technical thing, like a "don't shoplift!" commandment, but rather a principle that applies to one's general attitude. So, of course stealing money from someone would be harmful to them, but also taking credit that hasn't been earned is just as bad, however intangible. In an even more intangible way (and this seems more a subtlety that shows the translation isn't quite 'steal,' I think), we can 'steal' from our selves in a sense when we don't act to our fullest potential, out of laziness or otherwise, by losing that opportunity and that virtue.

Interestingly, another book I'm reading right now, which has absolutely no overt connection to yoga, actually has as one of its underlying principles something like asteya. Whereas the (financial advice) book encourages an attitude of abundance, that is, approaching life with the attitude that there's more than enough money to go around, turning asteya internally towards one's self means finding those unconscious impulses towards the converse, but in all manner of areas. It's an easy feeling to drop into that there's not enough love to go around, that a loved one will not give back as much as we give, or to give in to an impulse to hoard and cheat to feed greed. With asteya as a principle turned on those impulses, a more positive feeling and attitude of abundance is cultivated, which is helpful instead of harmful to others, and makes for less stress and anxiety on the part of oneself.
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somewhat relatedly, though out of context, an interesting passage by an old professor:
"The nice thing is that once I saw this, I was able to completely relax about my colleague, who I didn't want to feel envious of. Because, let's face it, to call someone an 'asshole' or a 'helicopter parent' or a 'slut' or a 'narcissist' is always to indicate the wound they create in you by being who they are, the vulnerability established by the possibility of your choices or your abilities being somehow not enough. (Conversely, the 'idiots' on the other side of the equation make us feel better about ourselves.) "

Satya

2007-02-23T09:15:00.000-08:00

The next of the yamas, satya is often translated as truthfulness. Again, there's the obvious consequences for lying to others - loss of trust, the violence (in the ahimsa-sense) of lying itself, and again, the guilt if one has a developed conscience. And, again, it is not healthy to lie to one's self; in a physical context, say, it would be harmful to injure oneself by overstretching to try to touch the floor for the sake of looking good, when one is just not flexible at all. Or, to not admit the truth and take responsiblity after making a mistake, and thus nothing is learned, and so that is harmful in its own way.

To flip the coin, learning from mistakes by being truthful to oneself, acknowledging and learning from the consequences is a very healthy choice. Back to a more external aspect, while one might argue that to be 'perfectly honest' and flat out tell someone the dress really does make them look fat is actually kind of harmful, it's important to remember that these principles can act as checks and balances on each other. Just as excessive ahimsa can lead to (ultimately harmful) passiveness, or even turn dark and become passive-aggression, excessive satya can be ultimately harmful if untempered by that ahimsa - tempered, it becomes tact, allowing the honesty to be as helpful and healthy as it can potentially be, even in a difficult situation.
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"Do you know what astonished me most in the world? The inability of force to create anything. In the long run, the sword is always beaten by the spirit." - said by Napoleon Bonaparte just prior to his death

Through the Looking Glass

Ahimsa

2007-02-22T08:45:00.000-08:00

Ahimsa is usually translated straight-up as 'non-violence,' which has a pretty obvious literal meaning, but I'm not going to approach that or the definition-arguments (ie, the monk/snake story or the Bhagavad Gita taking place on a battlefield).

Rather, I'll speak to the subtler elements that have struck me in the past (not to pun, there). One is that violence doesn't necessarily mean physical violence, of course, but includes the whole gamut of mental, emotional, and verbal violence as well. Thus, the parallel interpretation of the Christian commandment, 'Thou shall not kill,' that includes insulting someone as a sinful action - in a sense, an insult is injurious, as much or more as physically hitting the person is. Following this thread to a different point, in terms of one's own health, violence to others is often hurtful to the self as well; if one has a developed conscious, there will be guilt, or that violence will be reflected back upon the inflicter (insults flung back and forth, resentment and bitterness ruining relationships, say).

And, following that thread a little bit further, as much as the yamas are directed externally, one should also note that the principle of ahimsa can apply internally as well - obviously, banging one's head into a wall probably falls under the umbrella of violence-to-self, but less obviously is second-guessing, self-pitying, baseless anger towards the self, and other negative things of that ilk.

Long and short of it (here's the important part), developing ahimsa in these senses means working on becoming more aware, considerate, and empathetic towards the effects of one's actions on others (and Self), for both healthy relationships, and one's own health as well.

the Yamas

2007-02-21T10:38:00.000-08:00

I'm going to begin with the first of Patanjali's eight limbs of yoga, the yamas. Now, Patanjali was this fellow who compiled the Yoga Sutras, a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away. Minus the galaxy part. In a horribly basic, simple sense, it's practical advice for living happily.

The yamas are sometimes called observances, and sometimes called restraints. One way they might be understood is by likening them to putting reins on a horse - you're just putting reins on yourself with these principles to better control and guide your Self. And the particular area these principles address is public living - the better and healthier your behavior, the more easily and happily you can coexist with others, and, notably, the more easily and happily you can coexist with yourself.

Mind, this is on something of a deeper level than just having good manners, though that might certainly be a manifestation of a person dedicating themselves to developing the yamas. We don't generally live ascetic, hermet-in-a-cave lives - we're social animals, living in a social world, and so it helps for our internal development to balance that external development as well.

First up, tomorrow: ahimsa!

opening

2007-02-21T10:32:00.000-08:00

Just to start things off properlike, an article by Shiva Rea - The Practice of Surrender